So, I just made a list of things that I want to do, a to do list. Some of the things are big, like be kind, don't lie, etc. Some of them are smaller, like fix my car and buy a cd case. I know that simply making a list or writing a blog is not going to make me change the fundamental way I do things... I'm just going to have to really want to do it. I do, however think that writing it out is a good place to start and unfortunatley also a way of procrastinating. I need to do reading for English class, drawing forArch. drawing, practice ceramics, do drawings for ceramics, and do my sketchup quiz.
Well, I know that I'm not going to do any of that tonight--- I'm going dt with a friend pretty soon. I like going downtown, but I did go out yesterday night and the night before. Friday was fun, I saw a band. Saturday wasn't as fun, but still better than sitting at home doing homework.
I think that I should still do fun stuff, like go out, but when I'm at home doing nothing, I should do homework, practice guitar, make jewelry, clean, explore new music. Do things that I really want to do. Watching tv shouldn't be on that list of important things, although I would like to start watching the news, but we don't have cable and I wanted to watch CNN. I don't really think that anyone actually reads my blogs, but It's a good way to keep a diary that's not just on Microsoft word and to think that maybe someone out there is reading it.
Maybe I should turn this into more or a diary and less life changing?
So here goes:
It's fall break right now, but not really b/c my school is only giving us one day off, not two. That's b/c we had a football game on Labor day and they took one of our days off away b/c of that. I think that is so lame, really it is. Anyways I havn't done much this weekend. I went out thursday, friday and I'm going out tonight. I have more to say, but I don't want to talk about my friends on the internet, they really wouldn't like that at all. So I guess that's about it. I didn't do much in general during the days. I went to a soccer game and out for coffee yesterday. Spill the Beans has good coffee, but better ice cream. The soccer game was kinda boring, but we won and that makes me a little happy. I feel good about participating in school events and would actually like that to be a goal---go to more sporting events---b/c once I graduate, well it won't be the same.
I have enough foresight to realize that nothing will ever be the same after I graduate. Obviously things change all the time, but there's a level on continuity being with the same ppl in my major, going to the same school. I'm scared to go somewhere I won't run inot people I know downtown and where almost everyone you meet isn't your age and doesn't go to your school.
WOW, THIS IS REALLY BECOMING STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS
anyways, so I'm starting to really get scared. 3 of the people I hang out with now are graduating in December and I'm graduating in May (I'm already a 5th year senior). I'm scared to go into the "REal World," wich doesn't actually exist anyways. I'm scared to get a job, I'm scared I will be a bad Landscape Architect, I'm scared I will hate it, I'm scared I won't meet any cool people, I'm scared of falling out of touch with friends, I'm scared of not finding a job I like, I'm scared of FAILING AT LIFE.
I'm starting to realize why people opt for grad. school---school is safe we've been in school our whole lives---but I'm not going to grad school. I can't afford it and I need to try out LandscapeArchitecture. I've gotta make a go of it----all I am is fear though. Fear is one of the things that keeps me from getting stuff done. I realize that If I ignore my fear and believe in my abilities that I can do a good job and be a kickass Larchie and make the world a more beautiful place. So I'm just going to say that to myself, maybe it will help:
I can and will design outdoor spaces and do kickass projects that people will love to visit. I can and will pick out an exit project and it will be the best, most thouroughly designed, and well thought out project I have ever completed. I will graduate and get a kickass job at a firm focused on Sustainable landscapes and I will live in a cool city and make awesome and inspiring friends who will challenge me to be a better person and a better designer!!!!! =---Now that's an affirmation!@
