I Quit My Job- I have nothing else lined up- EEK

In the last post I mentioned that I had been applying for other jobs because I was in a rut and bored at Best Doctors:

• Well- I heard from the Garden Company in January 2013 (they do high end residential maintenance and installations).  I went in for an interview and really liked the people I spoke with- they were so nice.  However, they told me the job required 90% travel in the truck and I was secretly hoping I didn't get the job, as driving gives me anxiety.  

• They did call me though, but for a different position.  They asked if I wanted to interview for the Office Manager Position.  I was sooo excited b/c I would get to work in an industry I was interested in and not have to drive.  It sounded like a great opportunity and I went in for the interview the next week.  The interview went well, but I had some reservations: I found out that the work day is from 7:30 am- 4:30 pm, with an hour lunch, it was located in a more industrial area that I had to take a bus to get to, and the office was very tiny- pretty much one room.

• But, as I said, the interview went very well and they offered me the position a few weeks later (mid-Feb 2013).  I still had those reservations in the back of my head and their offer turned out the be pretty much what I was already making at Best Doctors.  

• I called my uncle; he has been working in a management role for years, and I asked his advice.  I decided that despite the small office, industrial location, and early hours- if they increased the pay they were offering substantially, then I would accept the position.

• I asked for more money- the manager called me and agreed to give me about 6 thousand dollars a year more than my Best Doctors Pay.  I accepted the offer- and got more and more nervous about the change, as it approached.  After 2 goodbye parties with my Best Doctors friends and coworkers, I started the job on Monday March 4th (so- 4 days ago).

• Day 1: I got there around 7:25 after taking 2 buses and started my first day.  I almost immediately didn't really want to be there.  They had recently renovated the small office (which is one large room, connected to the warehouse where they keep equipment and have a large conference table.)  The new layout included a reception type counter/desk that I was to sit at and my Manager (the company manager) sat directly behind me perpendicular to my desk.  He just had to turn his head to the left to see my computer screen- it was a little unnerving.

• I had to go to the other office, as it's affiliated with a Landscape Architecture firm, that day for some training and paperwork.  I don't have a car, so I had to grab a ride with another coworker (even though I was assured that I wouldn't need a car for this position).  I actually enjoyed the Landscape Architecture Office- it had a better feel to it and I liked the layout better.  I was only going to work at that office once a week though, and the other office the rest of the time.

• Day 2: I had been a bit early the first day (only 5 min), but I would've prob. been there around 7:15 if I hadn't gotten off a few stops too early.  So, I decided that I would take the 7 am bus to Harvard Square and try to take a 7:15 bus to work.  I should've checked the schedule (obviously) because there wasn't a 74 or a 78 bus coming for about 30 min.  I emailed my manager and told him I was running late and didn't' make it to work until 8 am.

• He was understanding but made it clear that I needed to be at work by 7:30 and I realized after looking at bus schedules, that the only option would be a 6:55 am bus each day- and if I missed that, there wouldn't be another one until 7:25.  I was uncomfortable with this, because I run late a lot and am not a morning person.  At best doctors, I could be late and it not be a problem.

• I finished out the day- worked cleaning out the supply closet, ordering supplies, and editing excel documents for a powerpoint presentation for the team meeting that is actually happening right now.

• Well- you might've figured out where this was going by now, but after day 2- I ended up quitting the job.  

• I felt somewhat trapped at the job- due to the tiny office, my manager sitting right behind me, and, without a car,- no real access to restaurants or places to go during my lunch break (except for burger king or a bakery nearby).  Furthermore, the work wasn't interesting (I guess office manager work really isn't all that interesting), I hate getting up early, and it was a 9 hour day, as opposed to the 8 hour day I had a Best Doctors.  I found myself missing the job at Best Doctors- it was boring, but it was flexible, easy to get to, a big office with many coworkers, and no one looking over my shoulder ever (my team was remote- so they couldn't-haha).

The Quitting:

• Tuesday Night March 8- I fell asleep on the couch around 10:20, being exhausted from getting up so early.  I then went into my room, set my alarm for 5:45, but I needed to take the 6:45 bus to Harvard in the morning.
• I then proceeded to not be able to fall asleep for an hour or so- because I didn't want to get up so early and I didn't want to go back to that tiny office and do work I don't care about.
• I decided to draft a resignation email- I told myself I didn't have to send it, but that I could just write it.  Well, I wrote it (I had had some alcoholic beverages earlier in the night and that gave me some liquid courage that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise).
• I read over it many times for about 10 or 15 minutes trying to decide if I should send it or not.  I managed to rationalize the decision to myself and sent it.
• I then felt so stressed out about the decision that I couldn't fall asleep until 5 am. But I still thought (at that time) that it was the correct decision.
• Well- My manager sent me a short email in response just saying something along the lines of:  "I'm sorry to hear that and the team will be disappointed.  Please let me know if you changed your mind."
• That made me feel a little bit better, as I was very stressed out thinking about what he might say to me.

Since Quitting:

• Since I quit on Tuesday night- I've had about 3 days to process what I done.  It's been a roller coaster of stress and second guessing, sometimes followed by feelings that it was the right decision.  I keep going back and forth on whether quitting was the right thing to do- my opinion changes many times throughout each day.
• The real reason I quit- is because I wanted to leave Best Doctors for so long, with the intention of moving on to something I like better and am excited about.
• The realization that I moved to a job that I liked less and had to work more hours at, was a hard pill to swallow for me. (I also hate getting up early)

The plan now:

• My plan is to now reassess what I really want to be doing with my life.  I have been living on autopilot essentially since I started at Best Doctors 3 years ago.  I don't regret working there, but I really don't want to just work at an Office job that I don't like now.  I want to do something I enjoy, or at the very least work at a place I enjoy.  I would take either option.

• I freaked out a bit on Wed. and applied to some full time Administrative Assistant positions, which I 'm sure I wouldn't like

• But I've had time to think about things and I would like to get a part time office job and work at a restaurant part time.  I just need some time to explore and figure out what I want out of life.  

• I broke the news to my Mom on Wed- she was surprised and of course said that it's not the choice she would have recommended, but she is supportive and helped me to feel a bit better about the situation.  I have been dreading telling my dad though- I know that he will disapprove and might get upset with my decision.  I don't know why I worry so much about what he's going to say- I'm a 27 year old old women- who can make dumb decisions like this one if I choose.

• That's the thing that's getting to me the most- the dread of telling him what I did.  I'm planning on just sending him a text message this evening stating that: 

• "I quit my job- have plenty of money saved up and have leads on restaurant and office jobs.  I'm sorry I didn't call, but I know that it was a rash decision and I've been dreading telling you for days and been beating myself up about it. I shouldn't have left Best Doctors, but I did and now have to figure things out.  Don't worry about me though- plenty of money saved up and I won't fall on my face.  Sorry if I'm disappointing you- this was just not the job for me- and I didn't want to go there anymore."

So- that is where I am now- back to square one, sort of- living in Boston without a job and not knowing what I should be doing, or want to be doing.  I do have more money saved up now- enough for a couple months, and hopefully I'll be able to use this time to figure out my passion and what would make me happy.  

I would like to chronicle this new journey on this blog- I think it will help to keep me motivated to find out what direction I really want to take in life and maybe help anyone else in a similar situation.