Last Week: Last
week was very surreal here in Boston- everything just felt weird and not
real- the bombing and then the ensuing search for the bombers, and then one
of them dying and the other FINALLY getting caught…it was all just horrible and
so sad.
I’m sorry to say that often, when I hear of a tragedy- it
never really hits me- I say “that’s sad” and then move on because it seems far
away and I just feel very removed from it.
But this happened 2 miles from my office, in my city, in an area where I
have been many times, and the bombers lived a 10 in walk from my house. This did affect me and everyone I know.
The whole thing really just filled me with a sadness on
Monday afternoon and gave me this feeling of not being safe and feeling “off” all
week. I spoke to my friends and
neighbors and it hit all of them the same way- it all just felt so wrong and
weird and sad. It also made us really
come together- none of us wanted to be alone.
After the suspected bomber being caught on Friday, things
have essentially gone back to normal here- we’re all still talking about it (of
course) and reading about it and waiting to find out more information- the Whys? are rolling around in our heads,
but we are going to work, going out with our friends, we are back to normal. I do
think we (at least for now) are being a little nicer to each other and feeling
a sense of community we don’t usually feel– we are Boston Strong! Especially
when I worked last Friday night, I really felt that sense of community…I have
never seen the bar sooo packed. Everyone
came out after having been “sheltering in place” all day- not going to work or
school and glueing themselves to the news while the cops looked for the
suspect. Everyone was just so happy to
be out of the house and there was a strong feeling of camaraderie- even when it
was so packed you couldn’t move.
After the bombing I
really have lost some of that false sense of safety most American’s carry
around. I have always known that we
aren’t safe and that we never have been safe (there’s murderers, and car
accidents, natural disasters and wars) but
it’s become EXREMELY clear now- that this kind of thing doesn’t just happen in other countries or
other cities- it can happen anywhere- it can and did happen here. On top of this bombing- there was the
fertilizer explosion in Texas and the earthquake in China all during the same
week…all of these terrible things are bringing the “not safe” thing to the
forefront of my mind.
I also am now going back to thinking about what it is that I want out of this life- that is (as we can see) is not guaranteed to just go on until I’m 90 years old. None of us know how long we will be here to follow our dreams and live our lives.
I also am now going back to thinking about what it is that I want out of this life- that is (as we can see) is not guaranteed to just go on until I’m 90 years old. None of us know how long we will be here to follow our dreams and live our lives.
Honestly, I haven’t been spending very much time during the
last week thinking about my goals or what I want out of life. I’ve been working a lot- 6 shifts last week
and 6 the week before. I have Wednesday days
off though…and decided I really needed to get my thoughts out into my blog and
reflect again on what it is that would bring me happiness in this life that seems increasingly short, yet long at the
same time. Not only did this bombing
shake me, but I turned 28 on Sunday April 21- both of these things cause you to
think about the time you have here.
I’m not sure if anyone else felt this way as a child, but I NEVER thought I would be almost 30- NEVER. It was almost like a figment of my
imagination- thinking about being 30 and having a job and maybe a family (not yet on that one)…I
don’t think I ever thought that any of that stuff would really be real for me-
it just seemed like it could never happen, but here I am- haha.
So…yeah I still feel like a failure at life for the most
part when I look back on what I’ve accomplished so far- I’m a year older now and not too much closer to finding a place in life
that I feel content to be standing at/on.
I have hope though- I still think quitting that job and getting the 2
part time jobs was the right thing for me, even if it’s only because it gives
me the opportunity for this Wednesday off- just
the opportunity to blog and thing and act, with no distractions of work or
friends.
I'm going to put another short post up in a minute about my goals and how I'm doing (or not doing) with them. It was originally one post, but I think it makes more sense as 2.
I'm going to put another short post up in a minute about my goals and how I'm doing (or not doing) with them. It was originally one post, but I think it makes more sense as 2.
If you want to donate to the victims of the bombing- here is a link to The One Fund:
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